{"id":1585,"date":"2010-06-23T21:45:57","date_gmt":"2010-06-24T05:45:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/?p=1585"},"modified":"2017-04-16T23:23:21","modified_gmt":"2017-04-17T06:23:21","slug":"impending-zombie-apocalypse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/2010\/06\/23\/impending-zombie-apocalypse-1585\/","title":{"rendered":"The Impending Zombie Apocalypse"},"content":{"rendered":"

This morning I scraped out the last of the peanut butter and flashed\u00a0on the weepy post-apocalyptic mom doing the same in “The Day After<\/a>.” And then it dawned on me that I start each day preparing for the impending zombie apocalypse.<\/p>\n

It’s possible\u00a0I am being overly dramatic. The zombie apocalypse is not necessarily impending, merely inevitable. Inevitable\u00a0 because there are so many ways to raise the dead: Radiation. Alien invasion. Voodoo. Virus. (FYI: Not\u00a0the Rage Virus<\/a>,\u00a0which just makes living people really pissed off, but\u00a0a bug\u00a0that is carried in\u00a0zombie spit and kills you, after which you become a zombie.) And, of course, overcrowding, for “when there’s no more room in Hell… the Dead will walk the earth!” No matter how we get there,\u00a0all roads lead to Zombieland.<\/p>\n

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Plan 9 from Outer Space<\/p><\/div>\n

Conspiracy theorists proposed that “E.T.” and “Close Encounters”\u00a0were released to ease the public into the knowledge that aliens are among us. In “Buckaroo Banzai” we learn that “The War of the Worlds” was in fact an actual news broadcast, then Welles was brainwashed into thinking it was fiction. As it was for impish aliens, so it is for brain-munching zombies. Consider all the George Romero flicks. Also “Fido” and\u00a0“Zombieland.” And Phyllis Diller. The dead walk among us… but the prepared will survive.<\/p>\n

Recognizing this too\u00a0are the creators of ZombieFit, parkour<\/a>\u00a0practitioners advancing this obstacle course free running\/urban steeplechase as the best defense when Zed is closing in. According to their website<\/a>:<\/p>\n

What if you woke up tomorrow to find your city overridden with zombies, would you survive? … The keys to surviving Z-day are simple: Be able to lift and throw heavy things, run fast and for long distances, and be able to navigate obstacles and urban environments in an efficient manner.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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Fido<\/p><\/div>\n

ZombieFit is not yet available in California. So how do I prepare each morning for the lumbering (or sprinting, if you prefer) zombie\u00a0horde? Remember Rule # 1 in Zombieland? Cardio.\u00a0So I hit the gym. Spin like a crazed hamster. Pump ze iron.\u00a0I don’t need bulging biceps to tap out this blog;\u00a0I’m preparing to smash a zombie’s skull, then run like a mutha.<\/p>\n

What is it about zombies that makes me prepare for their onslaught when I live in California and don’t have an earthquake kit? Is it the chill\u00a0at death’s slow advance?\u00a0Like Hamlet do I\u00a0fear not\u00a0death, but that death may not be the end, that there is no rest? Or is it metaphorical, dreading a half-life, or a life half lived?<\/p>\n

When I was a child I dreamt of Disneyland nearly every night. As an adult, it’s zombies. My most recent dream was revelatory. I was sitting in the passenger seat of a parked car, the window rolled down, when suddenly a zombie’s face appeared next to mine. I was armed with a handgun, and pressed it to the zombie’s forehead. I\u00a0tried to squeeze, but\u00a0nothing happened. I lacked the strength to pull the trigger. <\/em>(Note the author’s use of italics for emphasis and to point out the depth of this double entendre.) I screamed and the zombie’s own face contorted, seeming to mock me. I was looking at my own reflection. Le zombie, c’est moi<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Michael Singman-Aste
\nPostdiluvian Photo<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This morning I scraped out the last of the peanut butter and flashed\u00a0on the weepy post-apocalyptic mom doing the same in “The Day After.” And then it dawned on me that I start each day preparing for the impending zombie apocalypse. It’s possible\u00a0I am being overly dramatic. The zombie apocalypse is not necessarily impending, merely […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[66,192],"class_list":["post-1585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musings","tag-movies","tag-zombies"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pPxQO-pz","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1585"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1585\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5514,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1585\/revisions\/5514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.postdiluvianphoto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}